It has been awhile since I wrote here. Mostly because I had conflicting thoughts and feelings about what I wanted to write and no clear sense of it. But today being Mothers' Day there are several feelings that come to the surface.
First I just read that a good RSCJ friend of mine died this week. This is the third one that has gone to God in a short period of time. These women were friends, not mothers. But there were many like them who were "mothers" to me and who are gone now. They made my life safe when it wasn't, gave me comfort when I was sad, made me walk straight when I wanted to go crooked, laughed with me, prayed with me and did  many of the things a mother does.
My own mother did the best she knew how. We developed a deep strong relationship in the years before she died. She was able to tell me how proud she was of me and that she loved me- large accomplishments for her. She has been gone 16 years and every Mothers' Day I miss her.
My own children remind me of what it is to be a mother. And I look to Mary, the universal Mother for guidance in dealing with them, particularly today when they are adults. Last Saturday I heard a speaker talk about Mary and how she must have felt when Jesus was an adult. And I thought about my own conflicted feelings, pride in my girls because of what they are accomplishing and the wonderful strong women they have become. I am delighted that they have found life partners whom they love and who love them in return. And my one daughter who is such a good momma to her year old-how happy I am for her. And yet sometimes I miss them, the geographic closeness we used to have, their need for me. And I think of Mary when Jesus was 12 and stayed behind in the Temple and later as an adult when he said,"And who are my mother and my brothers?" When I am in pain not knowing where my son is, I turn to Mary. And I ask her to keep me steadfast with my eyes on her and her Son. And to learn from her. Salve Regina.